It's not valuable. Just a card with two old one dollar bills tucked inside. And to be honest, I don't remember even giving it to Mom. But for some reason Mom tucked it into one of her dresser drawers and there is sat for 30 years or more until I discovered it yesterday as I was cleaning out more stuff ...
When Mom died and Scott and I began the initial cleaning we KNEW it would be a long and exhausting process. Mom was a pack rat and saved everything. The inventory of saved treasures includes bulletins from confirmations and baptisms of our cousins, invitations to weddings, showers and other family events, stacks and stacks of photos, thank you notes, news paper clippings, and a countless other bits and pieces of our lives and the lives of our circle of friends and family.
Along the way the task was complicated by Scott's unexpected and untimely passing ... but as I've carefully sifted through the assorted detritus in Mom's house I've laughed, smiled, wept, and shaken my head in bemusement ... I've learned quite a lot about my brother, my mother, my father, and my family ... I've read heart breaking notes and letters sent to mom after Dad died, leaving her to raise 'her boys' alone, and I've learned just how hard her struggle was to pick up the pieces following his death in uniform.
Over and over, I marvel at how uncaring, insensitive and unbelievably thoughtless the various social agencies were in response to her requests for help after Dad's death - a death that was 'celebrated' at the time and since as a "sacrifice for the people of Ontario." His death was a sacrifice, but the burden borne by my family was un-necessarily heavy because no one in places of power and influence saw the need to help a family who had suffered an unimaginable loss ... fortunately, the lesson was eventually learned and families like that of Constable Styles in York Region will NEVER experience what Mom went through ... but reading the many, many, many letters she received in the years after Dad's death makes me appreciate how far they've come ... I wish Mom could have benefitted a little more along the way.
And more sadly perhaps, is the repeat that Scott experienced following his accident in the early 1990's. No one who knew Scott before and after the accident can honestly say it didn't profoundly and negatively effect him ... his physical body was wrecked ... his spirit was broken ... and his emotions were ravished ... reading the many submissions he made seeking help and assistance, and the steadfast refusal of almost everyone to accept his plaintive claims is heart breaking. I know my brother carried a lot of anger - some of it came from losing Dad so young - some of it came from the limitations the accident brought to him - and some of it came from the incredible pain he carried day in and day out ... reading his accounts of what the accident did to him is hard ... far harder than I realized, because my big brother held far more pain inside himself then he EVER let on.
And yet, over and over he was told that he was faking his injuries and pain, he was told it was 'all in his head', and he was told that his claims were without substance ... for well over a decade, he fought for someone to honour his claim and give him help so he could have some quality of life ...
Today, looking back over everything I've been through in the last 7 months, and reflecting on what I've learned about my family from sorting and reading through the many letters, notes and documents that have been tucked away and preserved by both Mom and Scott, I can honestly breath a sigh of relief that the burdens they both carried for so long have been taken from them ... but with my relief comes more than just a twinge of sorrow at what they had to endure, and how much they had to fight just to have ANYONE recognize the hurt and pain they carried.
Today, I have a deeper respect for my Mom and my brother Scott for all they endured, but more importantly, I can in faith, breath a sigh of relief that today they are in a place where that burden is well and truly GONE ... For over 42 years, Mom shouldered a burden of grief that should never have been her's to bear alone ... and along the way, she protected and cherished her beloved "boys", and I am a better person for her presence and love in my life, my one regret is that she never had the chance to enjoy freedom from that burden in this life ...
Thanks Mom ... I love you more and more every day !!
I miss you, and I will never forget you, AND I am proud to remain "your boy"!!
No comments:
Post a Comment