I wish I could simply blame Monty ...

While I wish I could simply blame my current state of mind on a depression and chalk it up to Monty, my little black dog, But over the last few hours I've realized that I can't blame depression for where I'm at. I can't blame any one, I can merely own the reality in which I live and continue to move forward one step, one breath, one moment at a time ...

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The last two years of ongoing abuse, gossip, and lies by too many people in the community have finally taken their toll ... my reserves are depleted ... I have no where to go to recharge ... and I'm tired ... and lately it has caused me to be physically ill too ...

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I know one day it will start to get better ... but after telling myself that for two long years and watching over and over as the offered help has hurt and hindered ... it's getting harder to believe that day will come ...

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But I know it will ... I have to trust in that ... otherwise, I really have no reason to get up in the morning ...

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Right now, I'm not even sure where Monty is ... I haven't seen him in quite awhile ...